Happy 4th of July!!!

Today is my favorite holiday.  I love the sunshine, the food, the fireworks, the lack of obligations, everything.  So to celebrate my most favorite of holidays, I am sharing with you one of my favorite and quintessentially American experiences.

Getting my wisdom teeth out.  

I had my wisdom teeth removed about 2 years ago and the experience was eventful to say the least.  I realize that most of my readers have read this adventure before but I do hope that you can and will enjoy the experience a second time around.  

I got my wisdom teeth out!  Does that sound exciting?  I'm not sure how people are supposed to respond to that.  So far the reactions have ranged from "I'm so sorry!" to "I loved being on Vicodin!" to "Welcome to my level of evolutionary advancement."  Whatever the reaction I do feel that there has been one thing missing from my experience and that's a full scale account of what happened. 

Why on earth would you want to read this?  I will list reasons why.
1) I promise that I do something ridiculous
2) There is more than one crazy person involved
3) This will distract you from real-world responsibilities that are ruining your life.  This distraction will bring relief and therefore improve your mental health.  Conclusion: Reading this could save your life.

Now that you've decided to continue on with this literary journey, let's get started.  My appointment was at one on Friday and I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything before.  I avoided my kitchen the whole day and listened to my stomach rumble.  My Mom arrived and we went to Target and then to Creighton Dental School.  After chilling in the waiting room a man, Vimel, came out and took me to the counter to pay.  I will now describe Vimel's appearance because Michelle would want me to.  He had dark skin and really light, clear eyes that were basically this sea foam green color.  He was honestly one of the most interesting looking people I've ever seen and it was way cool.  After paying (only $99, look how much we saved!) we sat in the room again until Vimel came back to get me.

Turns out Vimel was not conducting the surgery and that Katie would be.  She was super nice and didn't get weirded out when she shook my hand which had crazy sweaty palms because I was nervous to the extreme.  I told Katie my rules about needles (don't want to see, hear, know about them, someone has to be talking the whole time so I don't think about it) and then I read some form telling me I could potentially die and they started hooking me up.  Because I was so crazy nervous I started talking.  A lot.  I basically asked everyone (including Gwen, the dental hygienist student) about their lives, why they went to Creighton, where they were from, etc.  They hooked the laughing gas on me (didn't make me laugh, just made me talk more) IV'ed me, and soon enough I was out.

For most people this story would end about here and they would say something like "I don't remember anything, I just went home and went to bed."  But I'm not most people.  I've won a mini fridge before.  I'm somebody.  So my story is a little different.  Here's what happened.  I WOKE UP!!!  That's right, I remember part of my surgery.  Not the whole thing, just the last tooth and a half.  But I do remember it.  Some highlights:
-Katie tells me I'm going to feel some pressure.  I start singing "Under Pressure" by Joss Stone (originally performed and written by Queen and David Bowie)
-Katie pulls out my tooth and I feel a lot of pressure.  I tell her "Not cool, Katie.  Not cool."
-Dr. Lanphier (the teacher monitoring this whole process) tells me to stop talking because my tongue is getting in the way
-They sew up the hole where my tooth was and I can feel the string

Eventually they do finish and start cleaning me up and whatnot.  This is when I started to really get my most interesting I think.  I've only been put under once but I've admittedly been intoxicated more than once.  And to me, these feel very similar.  Further highlights from immediately after my procedure:
-I repeatedly ask if Dr. Lanphier is cool with "us", meaning Vimel, Katie, Gwen, and I.  Once assured that he is, I tell everyone I feel like I'm drunk
-I ask Vimel if I can see my teeth.  I then ask if I can have them and claim I will put them on my coffee table. (Bonus fact:  I DID get them.  How sweet is that!?)
-Katie tells me I have to be pushed out in a wheelchair.  I tell her we're going to look like tools.  She gets the chair caught on something.  I tell her we do look like tools.
-I sing "This is How We Go Out" by Leslie Hall.  I tell Katie that those are actually the real lyrics and I didn't make them up.

 

-I talk so much the gauze falls out of my mouth.  One falls on the floor.  One falls on my chest.  I tell Vimel he just put it back in my mouth.  He claims he didn't.  I tell him that just because I'm drugged up doesn't mean I'm an idiot and that I was there the whole time and saw the entire thing.
-I was wheeled out and outraged to find that my mother wasn't present for my "entrance"
-I talk with a strange woman about mascara and her bottle-cap earrings

So that's it.  My mom then got my prescription filled and took me back to the Sioux.  What's that?  You're still waiting for the story about the additional crazy person?  Well here it is but remember that this was all received second-hand while I was drugged out.  For a better account I would recommend talking to my mom.

Apparently during my surgery there was another woman having surgery as well and her husband (who had a creepy look about him) insisted on standing right outside the surgery door during her procedure.  He also continuously opened the door and even took a picture with his camera phone.  WEIRD!!  They had to lock the door to keep him from opening it and called security.  Once I came out there were like 5 security guys there and I tried talking to them but they didn't talk back.  Maybe because I had clearly just had oral surgery.  It's hard to know for sure.

Overall the experience was fine.  I've been healing fairly quickly and have unfortunately had a negative side effect to the Vicodin.  It makes me very tired, dizzy, and emotional.  It also causes my memory to not exactly be at the top of it's game.  Luckily I don't have to take it for much longer and will soon be back to normal.  In the meantime I'm eating lots of pudding and trying to not fall asleep during school. 


Note from me:  Remember how you read earlier here that I requested and then received my own wisdom teeth?  Well, I still have them.  I've never successfully figured out what to do with them, though.  It seems weird to display them, but I also weirdly do not want to throw them away.  Is this weird?  Don't answer that.  I know it's weird.  But if you'd like to assist me in continuing this strange existence, I am taking suggestions as to what to do with my teeth.  Bet that's a statement you never expected to read.